Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
