theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
that may or may not have been my penis.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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