I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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