Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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