I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
