everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
