go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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