Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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