i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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