When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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