Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
