i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
