I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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