i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
