I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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