You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
