My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
