One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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