Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I CAN MOONWALK!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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