Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
