A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need a beard to bite.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
