I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
