When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
where am i from again
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
