Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's official drugs can't kill me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
