I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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