You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
