My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
