The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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