You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
