I wish I only lived at night.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
