wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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