I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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