Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
