nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Randomize
