its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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