Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
