just come out here and I will go home with you...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
