thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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