why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
whose parrot is this?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
