My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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