I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
