Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
