I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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