just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
