why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
