I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
