So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
