so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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