I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
