i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
