all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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