well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
