Define "chronic" masturbator.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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