I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
