that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
