Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
