his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
