My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
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He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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