Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
