Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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