Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He did a backflip because drugs
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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