So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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