I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
