everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
