I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
