dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
