Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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