i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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